Help for Self Represented Divorce and Child Custody
I get messages every day asking for help from moms and dads who cannot afford to hire an attorney and who do not qualify for legal aid. I do my best to offer unbundled lower cost services but sometimes it’s still not affordable. Fortunately, there are self help centers in nearly all counties and the forms themselves along with directions are online. The Orange County courthouse has a program whereby you can speak with an attorney there at the courthouse for free. If you cannot afford the filing fees, you can also apply for indigency and the Court will absorb your filing fees for you. All of the forms that you’ll need to file can be found at this link
I often hear from clients that they just want to finalize their divorce and move on with their lives. Going through a divorce can be devastation and it’s definitely a trying time in one’s life but make no mistake, it’s not a process to be rushed, especially if you have shared children. If you have children, your parenting plan is so important. This is the document that will control how you and your soon to be ex-spouse will share parenting time and decision making authority for what could be many years to come.
Do not make the mistake of simply filing out the general court form in reliance that you and your child’s other parent will agree on issues for the next several years. Children’s needs change, families relocate, parent’s remarry. It’s not uncommon for the new spouse in the picture to completely change the dynamic. The introduction of the step-father for many biological/legal fathers can be difficult and at times destructive to the parental relationship. The introduction of the step-mother can also change the dynamics between the parties. I often hear that the father has been paying child support and when the new wife is introduced into the picture, she has some definite opinions about the time-sharing schedule and subsequently the amount of child support that the father is paying. New children change the dynamic, as well as step-children. You want to make sure that your parenting plan is well thought out and doesn’t leave much room for different interpretations.
The parenting plan should be approached as an almost worst case scenario, even if you are on good terms with your children’s mother or father. The parenting plan can be used as a fall back plan as the parties are free to communicate and to be for flexible with the plan. Your parenting plan may dictate that the parties alternate holidays, but the parties are free to make their own agreed upon temporary schedule changes. It’s difficult to endure the lengthy process that can come with divorce with children but you’ll be happy that you didn’t let your emotions overcome your position in the long run. Parenting plans are so important to get right the first time.
Final judgments aren’t final. If you’ve done everything that you could do and still ended up with a judgement that you can’t live with, either appeal your decision/ask for rehearing or start planning for your next hearing.
Yes, you heard me right. Custody can change, it might take a few years or even a few months but if your situation changes substantially and it affects the children you could be ready for a modification. It might be painful but you must make sure that you wait for the right time, too little evidence and you could be denied. Start with your statutes, find out what your judge needs to grant a modification. Research case law in your jurisdiction to see what the courts will specifically look for. It’s not uncommon to have future stipulations about custody arrangements in final judgments. For instance, a clause that states that upon the child’s 12th birthday they will go to live with the noncustodial parent.
If you have several years before the change will take place, you will have time to build your case, a lot can happen in just one year. Health issues are frequently considered in these cases, if the child has asthma or other special need and the other parents smokes or is unable to provide for the child’s health this could be a reason to not change custody. Perhaps you’ve remarried and you’ve had more children, judges are reluctant to separate siblings. Stability is a major factor, frequent moves by the other parent could indicate that your child may be moved from school to school if they change residences, make sure that you put down roots. Financial instability can be a factor, make sure that you are able to provide for your children. For instance, if your child has their own room when they live with you but the other parent can’t provide that, this might help the judge to lean in your favor. Older children may be able to testify as to which parent they would like to live with. Although it may not be acknowledged, some judges will lean in your favor if you are of the same gender of your child.
All evidence adds up and helps the judge to decide in your favor if you are able to show a substantial change. Your jurisdiction might have a different standard than substantial change, find out what your standard is and work towards it as you gather evidence. Most judges will want to see children reside in the right home for them, they just need you to fulfill the statutory requirements backed by evidence that is strong enough or ample enough to rule in your favor.
So if you have a custody determination or agreement that you can’t live with, start planning! All is not lost. Keep in mind that if you have a new judgment you might be able to make some changes by way of appeal or even actions in the lower court. Time is of the essence in this case.
Contact an attorney to find out what your options are right away, every case is different and you’ll need to apply your particular facts. Keep calm…breathe….it’s not over yet!